Man, this job really drains. I'm so fried I could just lay down. All I wanna do is slurp some juice and stare at the ceiling for eternity. But first, gotta post a few Lord Farquaad memes to cope with the pain. Life is a real circus, man.

This corporate ladder you see? It's just a staircase leading to Shrek's swamp

Sure, they tell you it's all about ambition, about climbing to the top and commanding your little kingdom. They paint a picture of wealth, but let me tell you, that shiny penthouse suite with its panoramic view? It's just another lonely tower in Shrek's swamp.

You'll be long hours, brainstorming sessions that go nowhere, and a never-ending parade of backstabbing coworkers. Your dreams? They'll get swallowed up in the mire like another unfortunate tourist who wandered into this wretched swamp.

• And don't even get me started on the dress code. You think your power attire will impress anyone down here?
• Trust me, you'll be wishing for a good pair of wellies

When you find yourself climbing that ladder, pause and ask yourself: Is this really what I want? Or am I just blindly following the system, only to end up like every other lost soul in Shrek's swamp?

Title: "Important Meeting" - My Soul: "Like an Onion, Shrek."

You know that feeling when your manager sends out an email with/about/regarding a meeting and the subject line just screams "urgency/importance/significance"? Yeah, well, my soul is currently experiencing something akin to a Shrek-themed onion. Layered with anxiety/dread/a healthy dose of WTF, each layer reveals/hides/uncovers another questionable/confusing/intriguing detail about the meeting's purpose.

Is it a performance review? A team-building exercise/activity/nightmare? Or, perhaps, the unveiling of a revolutionary/disastrous/slightly off-brand new company initiative? Honestly, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a meeting about how to best prepare for/survive/celebrate an alien invasion.

• I crave coffee. Like, a metric ton of coffee.
• Perhaps it's wise to busy with something else.
• Can I survive this meeting without losing my mind?

This Spreadsheet Could Be Done Faster With Ogre Strength

Look, this spreadsheet is a real pain. I'm drowning in data and formulas, my brain is fried, and the deadline is looming like a hungry goblin. It no thanks could really use some serious muscle to get this thing done. I'm talking about the kind of power that only a superhero could muster. This ain't a job for your average office worker, this is heavy lifting stuff.

• Perhaps it's time to a legion of trolls?
• This document demands an atomic bomb
• I'm about to require extra hours

Weekend? Nah, I'm Just Going Back to My Layer Cake of Papers

The idea of relaxation this weekend is just absurd. My desk is currently a monument of documents, each one demanding my focus. Honestly, I'm more thrilled about tackling this stack of assignments than I am about savoring some Netflix. Maybe a weekend marathon of caffeine and printing is more my speed.

My 9-to-5 Feels Like Being Shackled to a Company Farm

I'm trapped in this office machine. Every day feels like I'm shuffling along, just another horse in the factory. I'm exhausted from pushing this load day after day. I dream about escaping.

• Maybe I'll become a farmer and actually be around animals that enjoy their work.
• {Or maybe I'll start my own business and finally discover myself.
• {Whatever it is, I know I can't stay here forever.{ It's just not worth it.